Because even though we've told some people that we've surrendered to life without kids, every now and then they still try to infuse us with hope by telling those kinds of stories. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
And I'm not even having PMS now, but I'm REALLY TRULY bothered with it. I talked about it with hubby and he shook his head in disbelief. Then we started talking about different responses that would just shut people up. What would that be?
To new people that we meet along the way, I thought of saying this, "My eggs are rotten, so the doctors say I can't have kids."
Hubby said, "Nah, just tell them that your hubby has no balls." LOL LOL LOL!!!
Then he suggested saying, "Just tell them we don't want kids."
Yeah, next time I'll do that, but what about those people who knew we wanted kids so badly at one point in time? They're the ones that have trouble erasing the dream image of us with kids, even though we've buried that dream already and we've moved on. I find it FRUSTRATING that it's SO hard to make them understand that we DO NOT want to dig up the grave of our dream and live with an empty casket in our household.
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P.S. Just heard that a friend is pregnant again with her second child after several RPLs, so I'm HAPPY for her 'coz she's not that young anymore (41 y.o.), but on the other hand I feel frustrated 'coz this kind of story can be used "against me" - like if that happens for her at that age, then it can happen to me, too. Ugh.
Tell new people that the dog's allergic to kids!
ReplyDeleteAs for people who know you situation? I think I'd just say something like "I know you mean well but that doesn't have any bearing on our situation / doesn't help us at all." And then change the subject! If they persist, try "we've accepted it, why can't you?"
THANKS for the input, Mali! I'll try it next time for the people who know my situation. :-D
DeleteUnfortunately we have no dogs, so it may be better to tell new people that we just don't want kids. :-D
I just tell people that we tried for the past 10 years, but were unsuccessful and now that I am 45 years old and have started pre-menopause, we have taken the path of living a childless life and are truely fine with it.
ReplyDeleteI do so like your hubby's response though...made me laugh so hard!
The thing is I'm "only" going on 34 years old, so people assume I'm still "able" to have kids.
DeleteI'm glad my hubby's response made you laugh. It made me laugh, too he he he...
I totally get this Amel. I'm 33, so even though we started ttc almost 10 years ago, people still want to remind us of every miracle story they hear. I know they mean well...but it is so annoying.
ReplyDeleteYeah...the thing is the people who infuse me with hope know that we've surrendered to life without kids, but they still feel the need to pepper us with stories of miracle pregnancies. Sighhhh...I suppose that's what ticks me the most. That they KNOW that for us, we're fine just the way we are.
DeleteI totally get this frustration and I get the comments from time to time from people too being hopeful. I just smile and say, "You can stop praying/hoping for me because I'm happy now and I really just want to focus on what I do have instead or what I could've had. You should move on too." And so far, that's worked. There are a few who still haven't gotten it and I'm thinking of just saying, "kids, why would I want to do that when I have it so good already!"
ReplyDeleteCici, I'm GLAD to know that the explanation you gave them has worked on most cases! :-D
DeleteI hope that one day these well-meaning but misguided individuals will realize that their unwelcome "encouragement" is anything but for infertile couples...
ReplyDeleteTHANKS, Pamela, I certainly do wish that, too. :-)
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