Yep...not going to think of the last day when I have to say goodbye to the kids at the daycare. I'm just going to believe that I'll be fine 'coz I've got so many people praying for me so that I can control my tears in front of the kids. They're "on a loan" for a short period of time only - the angels that are funny, cute, challenging, creative, smart, witty - and when it's time to part with them, it's time to part with them.
One friend of mine said that even if I could have continued my training there, I would have to part with the kids anyway at one point. She was right. Rather than focusing too much on my loss, I should just think of all the fond memories I've created with the kids. And I've been playing out those memories in my head - all those beautiful memories with them.
I've learned that it feels SO GOOD to be able to hold a child in your arms - even if that child is not your own child. Especially if that child is not your own child and he or she asks you to hold him/her in your arms. And to hear his/her laughter when I twirl them around is just such a heartwarming blessing that I never thought I could have. To have a child kiss and lick my cheeks unexpectedly...to have a child ask me to read a book...to have a child ask me to tie her hair up...to be able to have a sneak peek into a mother's life...such precious experiences.
Note to self: I shall NOT deny any sorrow or grief and I WILL let myself have enough time to grieve, but I WILL NOT let myself drown in my sorrow or grief. If I can't get out of that mud hole myself, I WILL get help.