Sunday, January 16, 2011

God's Timing: Rant Rant

Been sending emails with a friend (not yet married, but has a boyfriend and is planning to get married with him someday). With all the best intention in the world (which I appreciate), she asked me if we had got checked up 'coz she knew we wanted kids and that she knew some people who tried some Chinese herbs in Indo and the herbs worked for them. She then said that she'd pray to God that we'd get a child soon.

I told her this: "Well, we've decided not to get checked up due to A, B, C (I explained to her that it was like opening Pandora's box and I explained to her a bit that even though celebrities seemed to be successful in trying different types of medication to have kids, reality states differently). Besides, by the grace of God now we're fine even with the thought that we'll never have any kids at all even though we'd welcome a child if he/she comes our way (deep inside, I wanted to explain to her the crazy rollercoaster IF, but I knew she wouldn't understand so it was just not worth it). Life is beautiful with or without kids. If you're going to pray for us, don't pray that we'll have a child ASAP, but pray that we'll accept whatever plans God has for us."

She then replied: "Yeah, you're right about accepting whatever God is planning for us. Just believe in God's timing. God knows the best for us and His timing is always perfect and He will give us what we hope for when we least expect it, in His perfect timing."

A part of me wanted to debate her: "Uh, hello? What makes you feel so sure that He's going to give us what we hope for? Are you trying to make me feel better or are you trying to convince yourself that if we hope for something so badly, God will give us in His perfect timing? Why do people think that if they want something so badly and they keep praying for it, God will give it to them?"

Instead, I replied: "Well, when it comes to kids, let's not assume that God's going to give us any. We're OK even if God doesn't give us any kids and that's that. We've also thought about adoption but it doesn't look like it's a good idea for us bla bla bla bla..."

The other month I also posted a comment in my friend's FB page 'coz her son's pictures are just SO cute. So I told her that under the latest pic of her son's and she said, "Come on then and make one!"

I said, "HA HA HA HA HA...we've been 'making one' so diligently, but no success yet."

She replied, "Well, just relax (calm down). Maybe God wants the two of you to have lots of honeymoons first."

A part of me bristled when I read it. What makes her think I'm not relaxed (calm)??? ---> yeah, I know I took it too personally 'coz logically thinking, maybe she just didn't know what to say and she wasn't insinuating that I wasn't calm - but then again it's hard to think logically when you're an IF.

Instead, I replied, "Don't worry, we're OK even if God doesn't give us any kids. Life's beautiful anyway."

THANKFULLY she didn't say anything anymore after I told her that. BUT I think I should just stop complimenting other people's babies' cuteness. Why can't they just say, "THANKS for the compliment" and leave it at that?

I understand fully the need to want to share the motherhood joy so that I can "join the club", but still it's tiring to have to answer those questions (it's hard to disregard the questions or the "invitation" to "make one" 'coz I want to correct their assumption that babies can be made that easily). So maybe I should just stop before the vicious cycle starts: thus I should stop giving baby compliments (unless towards my closest friends who know about us so well).


  1. oh girl. i so know how you feel and what you mean. i also have felt frustrated explaining things to well-meaning friends.

    the 'spiritual' comments also always get to me too. i feel like saying, 'you are not God, you don't actually know if kids are in the plan!'...

    the 'expect the unexpected' one or the 'stay relaxed' ones are irritating too cos' i know they are trying to be kind, but it is so difficult to receive. because they are such empty words sometimes. i sometimes wanna be so mean and say, 'well i was relaxed until i had all these fertility issues!!!'...

    sigh... anyway. now i'm one of those people that proves the 'unexpected' comment to be true. so sorry. haha.

    praying for you. and i also pray, like you, that we accept God's roads for us, whether or not they include live kids. i totally know what you mean.

    love s

  2. THANKSSSS for your comment and prayer and for sharing your own experiences. :-))) It always feels "good" knowing that I'm not the one feeling this way he he...


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