A few months ago I experienced my first BPPV episode. The symptoms included the room spinning around, dizziness, nausea, and throwing up a few times. The second time it happened a few weeks after the first episode, that same weekend we went to visit my MIL. I had told her about the first episode along with the doc's diagnosis, but this time around she asked, "Are you absolutely sure you're not preggy?"
That question took my by surprise. A second or two later (still reeling with the surprise), I answered, "I'm absolutely sure that I'm not preggy." Then I started wondering if she was still wishing for a miracle to happen with us and that made me a tad sad for her...
I know that logically speaking, anything can still happen to us in other people's mind. In my mind, though, it's just impossible, because we don't even make love anymore during my fertile window, and as we all know, the fertile window is a very short time each month. In fact, it seems that I tend to avoid the fertile window altogether so as to make sure that I won't ever be preggy.
Seems like an extreme measure for someone who did try to have kids once in the past, but seriously speaking, now that we're used to the thought of life without kids, we DO enjoy being together just the two of us and now the thought of life with kids seems (again) like an intrusion to our lifestyle. Almost like the time prior TTC - the only difference is that now we have IF scars and sometimes our scars get bumped and they cause some pain.
Anyway, because it's kinda crazy if I tell people that it's impossible for us to have kids 'coz we don't even make love during my fertile window (it's our business, not theirs!), the absurd thought resurfaced after I heard my MIL's question. How I wished I'd have reached an old enough age for people to stop thinking that it's even possible for us to be preggy anymore!
Mind you, for all its worth, MIL has been a wonderful person altogether. I once sent her an email, telling her not to expect any grandchildren from us because of our infertility (the same time I told my Mom about it). I had also told her in the email that at one point I felt guilty that I couldn't give her any grandchildren. She replied the email, saying that she knew that we had suffered though we hadn't really told her anything before that...and that I shouldn't feel guilty about her at all and that I shouldn't worry about her wishes, so I should just get rid of the worry. And she's verbally told me time and time again how much she appreciates having me in her world (I suppose this is also 'coz she has no daughter and I'm rather close to her). So I'm not blaming MIL for asking the question.
Sometime last year I also told my mom about a preggy friend (only 'coz she knew the girl, so I always tell her updates on my friends that she knows and has met often) and she replied my SMS by saying, "I see. Well, keep on praying so that you'll also get preggy." This came after I had told her not to expect any grandchildren from us. I got a bit upset at that time and I replied her SMS by telling her the exact same thing that I had told her before - that we had been surrendering to life without kids and that we're fine with that.
Again I'm well aware that logically they still think that a "miracle" may just happen. It's just that knowing what I know about our bedtime activities, it makes me feel that it'd be such a waste if they still harbored some wish about a miracle for us...but then again I can't control other people's wishes, can I? It's a whole different thing if these are the wishes of strangers, but the wishes of the people you care about who care about you can rouse some conflicting emotions within you...but anyway, in the end I just have to let go again...of the things I can't control...
Image taken from here