Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Too Close To Home

I've just realized how "distorted" my view is when I'm dealing with my friend's miscarriage despite my efforts not to mix her grief with mine. Just today I realized that my IF glasses had blown up some of her words and made me hear sirens in inappropriate places. She got confused about some of my responses because they weren't relevant to her situation. GAH!!!

I don't know if I can take off my IF glasses completely or not, but next time I'm going to be extra careful not to project my own experiences with hers. After all, each loss is different.  I've also tried basing my responses on some of the miscarriage stories/blog posts I've read, but again they may not be relevant to her situation. Oh well...all I can do is just try my best.

This is the first time I've felt that my IF glasses truly backfired against me. It's weird 'coz in the past I have also met some people who miscarried, but this one hits too close to home, I suppose. After all, at one point in time we were supposed to start TTC together, though she and hubby postponed it until later. I need to really separate myself from her experience. Thankfully I have this blog to let out anything I want to share.

Let's see how I fare next time. Another lesson in learning to forgive myself, I suppose... 

Additional note: Come to think of it, I'm thankful that we didn't TTC at the same time (or almost at the same time). It could've been so destructive if we had tried almost at the same time, esp. during my darkest IF moments. *shudder*



  1. I hadn't yet been there (don't know anyone who had miscarried since my surgery), so in a way, I'm glad (wrong word, I know) that you had posted about it; helping me realize that there WILL be incidents which our glasses will influence our interaction with women: getting pregnant (been there), first-time moms (been there, gritting my teeth), and women losing pregnancies (hadn't been there yet)... I'm not sure how we're supposed to respond to that beside giving sympathy and support? Emotions would be high, from both the woman and one living with IF or childlessness..

    1. Hey, I'm GLAD if the post can help someone else. :-D My problem with this particular case is probably over-identifying. When she writes something, my focus zooms in into familiar parts from MY own experience so my response is based on that instead of being able to be "objective".


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