Thursday, November 15, 2012


Visited FIL in the old people's home on Father's Day last Sunday. Having been an Alzheimer's patient for years, his condition is slowly but surely getting worse. Even when MIL was still taking care of him at home, it was clear how tough it was to take care of him on her own, especially since one of the medication made his body stiffer than ever!!! They changed the medication, but it made him restless at nights and she couldn't sleep at all because she was afraid he may leave the house or fall down. After all, she's been wearing hearing aids since she was young, so she couldn't hear anything much without the hearing aids (have to shout really loud if she's not wearing them).

Watching FIL being a bed-ridden patient is tough. Must be especially tough for MIL, who deep down still wants to take care of him at home, but she just can't do it anymore. It took two healthy nurses a lot of time just to change his diaper and clean him up. MIL can't possibly do that anymore, especially since FIL's legs aren't as strong anymore to hold his own body weight. 

Every time I visit FIL, I'm reminded of mercy and it makes me think of my old age. If God gives me a long life where my health deteriorates in ways I may not possibly guess, unless hubby can take care of me at home, I'll be at the mercy of other people (strangers). 

I hope that if strangers have to take care of me when I'm "not myself" anymore, I hope they'll have mercy on me. Some people become so belligerent when they get older whereas some, like FIL, become so passive. Some manage to stay relatively healthy until the day they die (like my Dad who could still wash himself and did many things on his own until the day he got the heart attack despite the onset of dementia). 

I'll never know what'll happen to me, but seeing FIL makes me want to send a wish to God that if something like this happens (either I become belligerent or I have dementia or Alzheimer's), then I hope my caretaker(s) will have mercy on me and will forgive me for my actions/words if I become such a different person later on.

The quality of mercy is not strain'd, 
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath: it is twice blest;
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
- Shakespeare


  1. This is lovely. And like you, I've thought about this myself. Your post is especially poignant, because my sisters and I are having to face the difficulties of my mother's deterioration, and put in place plans for the future.

    1. THANKS, Mali. Yeah, it's tough to see a parent's health deteriorating. And I agree with you that it's good to have some plans for the future. :-)

  2. so hard to watch. i wonder about these situations too for the future- my parents, etc. i'm finding mercy such an interesting concept at the mo. just things God is teaching me... hope you and the hubby have been doing well.

    1. It is really hard to watch. It's hard to think of the guilt that MIL has been feeling because I know she's had conflicting emotions ever since FIL was taken care of in the old people's home. I just pray for peace and serenity for her so that she can let go of the things she can't do anymore.

      Hubby and I are doing pretty well, thanks. :-) I'd love to read what God has been teaching you about mercy. :-)

  3. I have been thinking about this a lot lately too...maybe because of the no kids thing as it'll just be the responsibility of my husband. It's a tough one. I guess I'm selfish in the sense that I typically just pray that I'll die first, and youngerish lol. Sorry to hear about your FIL though. He'll be in my prayers.

    1. THANKS, Cici, for the prayers. :-) Actually one of our wildest dreams is for God to take us both together at the same time. After all, with no kids around we don't have to worry about anything much even if we're both taken at the same time. That way one of us doesn't have to be left all alone. :-)


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