Saturday, October 26, 2013

Making The Best of My Life

The other day a regular customer of mine asked me "the question". I've worked in the same place for a little over 3 years but that was the first time he asked me that question. It was because I had finished worked and I was walking to my bike stand, so he asked if I had time to chit-chat and I said yes (we had a short convo while I packed some stuff into my bike's bags). When I said no, he immediately asked, "Are you going to try to have kids?"

I said no. 

He asked, "But why not? Don't you think kids are fun/great to have?"

I vaguely answered, "Weeeeeellll..."

I was debating inside on whether or not I should tell him that we couldn't have children, but thankfully he let it go and we parted ways soon after that and to be fair, he gave me a compliment about my work before ending our chit-chat, so I thanked him. 

Over the course of my IF journey, every now and then (esp. in the beginning) I felt this nagging question of "If you're not a mother/parent, what are you doing with your life?" There were times when I acutely felt the urge to find something "as grand/noble" to fill my life with, because if we really think about it, being able to be directly involved in the life of the future generation is really something. And because I'm not working in a place like that, that nagging question pops up every now and then, but so far I've countered them with these thoughts: 

1. God wants me to be faithful with what He's entrusted me with no matter how "small" it may be, so I'm gonna focus on doing my best to take care of what I have (job, marriage, healthy friendships - don't need no toxic friends, thanks) every single day of my life.

Someone once suggested to me about being foster parents or doing things involving other people's kids, but I don't feel called to do those things, so I'm not going to force myself to do it even if I have the opportunity.

2. "If you think you're too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito." - Dalai Lama 

I believe in the ripple effect. I believe that many times in life we don't know what kind of difference we may have made because the ripple effect is so subtle and we may not even know about it at all in our lifetime or we may only find out about it much later in life. But that doesn't matter. What matters is still back to number #1: making the best of each aspect of my life. 

3. When all else fails, I'll keep recharging myself with God's words:

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. 

- Psalm 139:13

Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 

- 2 Cor 12:19


  1. I love your stance on foster kids. I've never heard anyone say that they don't feel called to do those things so they won't force themselves. Thank you for sharing that.

    I don't feel called there either. But it's one of the "things to do" when your options for biological children run out. And I have almost felt an obligation to begin that process. Yet, it's such a completely different thing than raising your own children. And frankly, I don't have the energy to start again on ANY new path for children.

    I am happy to leave things as they lay right now.

    1. I guess I'm a stubborn person in some ways. If someone tells me to do something, I may want to rebel against the whole idea ha ha...and when it comes to children, I think it's crucial that we think of it for the benefit of the children instead of what it can bring us (fulfillment or whatever), but same as yourself, I don't think I want to get involved with any new path for children anymore.


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