1. Psychological pain to the extreme level - until I wanted to cut myself to distract myself from the pain.
2a. Emotional torment: anger, bitterness, cynicism, jealousy, negativity, self-defense, self-pity, guilt, sorrow, depression that grow to such a level that makes me totally sick of myself.
2b. On the other hand, I learn to be kind to myself 'coz my feelings don't define who I am. My feelings just prove that I'm only human who needs God's help.
3. To be careful with my words 'coz they may hurt other people even if I don't mean it that way.
4. To lean on God's help by nailing all my emotional torment and psychological pain to the cross and leaving them there.
5. To live more in the present and face one day at a time rather than to try to plan ahead. To enjoy the present to the fullest.
6. That the relationship and partnership between hubby and I are MORE important than this baby quest.
7. Pain is pain and it's different for everybody. Just because everybody has different challenges, pains, problems, frustrations that doesn't mean that they are less valid than another person's.
8. Children is a gift, NOT a right and just because I'm not given that gift (yet or never) doesn't mean that I'm a lousy person. That just means that God has different plans for me.
9. Not to give in to pressure - this is OUR journey (mine and hubby's) and it's OUR decision.
10. Denying feelings is the same as burying ourselves in a quicksand. It's MUCH better to acknowledge those feelings, allow myself to grieve, and then start the healing process.
11. Realizing that one reason why IF is so tough is because sometimes you're not done with one cycle's process of grieving and healing and you're already bombarded with other things that make you sad or angry or emotional.
12. God can take my worst anger or rage and He can turn it into peace beyond understanding whenever I'm totally honest in front of Him and let Him handle it.
13. To take time to calm myself and not say harsh words to other people who "mean well" whenever I feel vulnerable, defensive, and moody.
14. I've chosen the right man to be my husband 'coz he is not Mr. Fix-It. He comforts me and calms me without giving me unsolicited advice. He listens and holds me tightly and tries to understand.
15. IF has widened my view on many things (too many to write here) - this is something I would have never experienced without IF.