You see, in many zombie stories, if a zombie bites you, then in time you'll turn into a zombie yourself. So if a zombie bites your leg or arm for example, if you don't want to turn into a zombie, you'll have to chop it off. It's gonna be such a painful process and it'd take time before your wound heals, but if you turn into a zombie, you're also a menace to your surroundings and the people around you. And once you turn into a zombie, the only "loving" thing that your loved ones can do is kill you before you have a chance to bite them and turn them into zombies, too. What kind of option is that, right?
That was what I felt. I didn't want to turn into a "zombie". I felt as though I was that close to turning into a "zombie", so I had to "chop off the infected part" even though it was SO painful to do so. I had to stop it before I became too obsessed (I have the tendency to do so), before it was too late, before my "zombie virus" threatened to overcome my whole being that I'd even jeopardize my marriage and relationships with others and myself (due to envy, jealousy, anger, guilt, cynicism, grief, sorrow, and the whole smorgasbord of unbearable feelings).
It did cross my mind that if I could have continued TTC without being "obsessed" about it, I would've probably continued, but because I couldn't do so, I had to draw the line somewhere (my heart just couldn't handle it anymore). Reading hundreds of IF blogs helped me in making the decision, because there was no guarantee that a baby was going to be in our future no matter how hard we tried. Reading IF blogs who tell stories about life without kids after infertility especially helped me to be surer of the decision.
I'm grateful to all those people who've bared their hearts and souls in their blogs during their IF journeys.
P.S. Almost forgot: Heard SUPERB NEWS about two friends' health concerns I mentioned in my previous post. They're both cleared from the first diagnoses. WOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!