Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Labels

After not being pregnant within a year of TTC, I started reading IF blogs and then I started labelling myself "an infertile" whenever I talked to my close friends via email. Hearing the bitter and angry tone of my emails, they were shocked. They wondered why I even used that label to call myself. I felt as though some of them had probably thought I was "jinxing" myself for calling myself an infertile. One of them got pregnant on their twelve month of trying, so she had probably thought that it was "too soon" for me to call myself that. I know and knew she meant well, that she wanted to encourage us to keep hoping and trying.

But I got angry because they "wouldn't let me" label myself that way (self-defense mechanism kicked in). I must've responded to their well-meaning words in a harsh way, because after that they were much more careful in saying anything to me related to my IF journey. Bless them!!! :-)
 
childless-not-by-choice

I felt so desperate back then. I WANTED to label myself because I was searching for a place to "belong" in all the madness, in all the chaos. I was searching for people who were able to make me feel less alone, who could help me make sense of what I was feeling. If labelling myself helped me find my "peers", then so be it!!! I don't care even if it "jinxed" me. 

Conclusion: I find that sometimes it IS necessary and even healthy to label yourself so that you can learn from your "peers". 

Mind you, though, I don't actually share these labels in real life freely unless I feel that I need or want to do so. :-) In the beginning, though, I felt like I wanted to scream out the word "infertile" to everybody 'coz I felt that my pains were "unseen" and "unheard".

These days I mostly use the words "infertile" or CNBC in this blog rather than anywhere else. Because this is my safe haven, where I feel most understood in terms of this part of my life. :-)
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4 comments:

  1. MaliFebruary 28, 2013 at 5:45 AM

    You can claim whatever label you like! It's part of embracing every part of us, I think, and can be empowering. Good for you!

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    Replies
    1. AmelMarch 1, 2013 at 11:59 AM

      THANKS. Yeah, you're right about that. :-D It can be empowering indeed. :-D

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  2. WolfersMarch 1, 2013 at 3:52 AM

    I too use CNBC in my blog, although now and then I'll use infertile in real life, since I notice if I say "I can't have children", folks then start to probe, give judgments and suggest ideas if I hadn't thought of them, and give the story- yeah, you know.. "when my friend's sister's cousin's best friend's grandma's...adopted, bam, they got pregnant"...yeah that.

    I LOVE that glitterbanner- where did you find that? :D I should have one on my blog. :D

    You're right, this blog is your safe haven, to be yourself, in the environment to get support and feedback from fellow infertiles/CNBC.

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    Replies
    1. AmelMarch 1, 2013 at 12:02 PM

      Well, because of the fact that people still deem that I'm "young enough" to have kids (and I have a hubby), lately I just let them say whatever they want to say...mostly about "There's still time"...I just smile and let them be. At least then they won't say anything else.

      Oh, about the glitter thing...I often use graphics from here: Glitter Graphics

      I searched for CNBC and infertile in their search box, but all they had was mostly about TTC ha ha ha...so I just clicked on the "Text Generator" and "Rainbow Text Generator" on the left sidebar to create the banner on this post. :-D

      Cheers for having a safe haven! :-D

      Delete

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