Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Why Me?

The question "Why me?" tortured my mind during my infertility journey. I think many of you (if not all) are able to relate to that.

One of the things I found early on was a quote that went like this, "Don't ask 'why me'. Instead ask 'why not me?'"

I knew that it was supposed to be an empowering quote, but in my anger at that time, I couldn't accept that kind of challenge. I didn't like it because thinking about "why not me" didn't appease the anger. So the struggle continued and I was subconsciously trying to find any answer that could appease me. I think I even pretended to shake it off at some point by telling myself that the question didn't bother me and I couldn't care less about it, but it still came out to taunt me every now and then.

Over time one of the things that crossed my mind was that anyone on earth could have asked the "why" question about many aspects of my life. I mean, if you really try to think about it globally...some people who are born with poor, abusive parents in a shitty neighbourhood may just ask me the question, "Why wasn't I not born in your family instead? I'd love to have a proper education, too." I don't know. Why was I the one who was born in my family?

And my mind went even further: Why was that particular person in the wrong place at the wrong time? Why wasn't I the one being kidnapped and abused and killed in such a brutal way? Why wasn't I born in China in a poor family who had to sell me as a rich, old man's concubine in order to pay off their debts? Why wasn't I the one being run over by that drunk driver? Why wasn't I the one left crippled/dead because of that drunk driver?

Mind you, I don't want to experience all the things (who would?), but my mind just went into overdrive. And the more I tried to think of other possible "why" questions coming from different people about any kind of topics available on earth, the only conclusion I got was: "I don't know why. It's just life. It's not fair. It's nothing personal." Funnily enough, that answer and this brain exercise were enough to appease me.  

Another thing that helped me was something that I found by accident. It was a quote that went like this: "If you want to ask why for all the bad things that happen to you, you have to ask the same question for all the good things that happen to you." Slap! Ouch!

Why me? Why not someone else who probably has given the same amount of effort and not less talented than I am? I don't know. That's just life. It's nothing personal. Again and again that was the only answer I could give. But at least this quote that has slapped me on the face has also helped me count my blessings instead of focusing on my troubles. 

Have you been asking the "why" question as well? And what kind of answers have you found along the way? 

P.S. Along the way I also found this Christian blogger who wrote about her faith and the "why me" question: It's Not About Me

Maybe I've even linked this post once, but I still think it's important enough to be linked again. Rest in peace, Sara! Your blog continues to be a blessing for me even long after you're gone...


  1. I heard that quote when I was asking the "why me?" question too, Amel. I heard an interview with a cancer sufferer, and she said "why not me?" And it made complete sense.

    A quote I found before the "Why not me?" quote that always helped me was "The answer is that there is no answer." (Gertrude Stein I think) And that still helps me. There's no justice, life isn't fair. It helps me deal with a lot.

    1. Oh, I didn't find the quote in relation with a story about a patient, so it didn't speak the way it did to you. Plus I was too angry to accept the challenge, I suppose he he...

      That's an interesting quote about the no answer. Never heard that before, so thanks for sharing (I love quotes!). :-) Indeed reading a quote like that takes off the pressure to find some answers.


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