Almost Cried

Today I was working near the entrance/exit of the place where I worked when a couple stopped by near the exit and said to their daughter, "Look! There she is! Amelia is over there!"

I turned around and saw the lovely family whose daughter had stolen my heart ever since we met at my workplace. I've written a little about her in this post: In Love. She had a pacifier in her mouth, but when I said "hi", she said "hi" with a smile.

The Dad then explained to me that it'd become a habit - whenever they went to go grocery shopping, the girl would ask where I was (if I wasn't working as the cashier that day) HE HE HE HE HE...

I was so touched, not only 'coz of the little girl's enthusiasm, but also for the parents' excitement towards our interaction. I said "goodbye" to the cute girl while waving my hand and she also did the same a few times - always with a smile on her cute face.

I then turned around while they exited the building and I almost couldn't hold the tears from flowing. I guess it's just hormones, but I was just so touched - and a tad sad again at the same time 'coz I could only do that with another person's child - though on the other hand it's still MUCH better than not having that kind of interaction with anyone's child at all. :-D

On a positive note, I can't wait for our mini holiday sometime later to Rovaniemi (a city near here) with hubby. I just booked our hotel last night. WOOOOHOOOO!!! I'll be back with pictures. Meanwhile, here are some more winter pics I took yesterday:

Tiny Thumps in My Chest

A few weeks ago I found out that a certain friend had gotten pregnant again (she had been trying for this second one for a while, but finally she got pregnant). I think at that time I almost felt a tiny thump in my chest, but I definitely felt that tiny thump the other day when I found out that another friend had gotten pregnant (she's 2 years older than me - I'm 32 y.o.). After that thump, this question arose: "How come it's so easy for them but not for us?"

But then I realized that it was totally the wrong question to ask 'coz it would simply open up the Pandora box that's filled with other questions that would be impossible to answer.

Thankfully no other questions popped up, but I did feel a tad of sadness due to my "empty womb". I feel happy for my friends, but that doesn't mean I don't feel anything anymore when it comes to us, even though we've "given up" (read: not actively TTC anymore).

A close friend of mine is going to TTC next year and for selfish reasons, I just hope that she gets pregnant easily. Why? So I can get it over with: having to congratulate her and feeling whatever I may be feeling (hopefully nothing too bad) when the time comes. So for very selfish reasons, the sooner she gets pregnant, the better for me 'coz I'll then be able to move on after feeling another wave of grief over my "empty womb".

I also realize even more that all these "negative emotions brought out by IF roller-coaster" aren't altogether bad at all. They really help me understand other people's similar feelings to a deeper level. They really help me understand that we're, after all, simply human beings and that just because we feel what we feel doesn't mean we're "bad people". And the other week I also found these verses that helped me embrace all the "negative emotions during IF roller-coaster":

2 Corinthians 1:3-5

“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” (NLT)

On a different note, today I was in the mood to watch a romantic movie, so I watched "The Holiday" again and I enjoyed crying my eyes out (probably just hormones!!!), but it feels GREAT to cry over a movie while it lasts 'coz it's not real life. You feel glad after crying your eyes out and go back to real life.

The wintery scenes in the movie make me feel thankful for living in a beautiful place with pink skies...here are some pics of the lovely pink skies of Lapland, Finland:

It's Just Life

Dunno why but lately I've heard a voice in myself saying to me lots of times, "It's just life." It applies to this IF journey as well as other situations in life. Even if I'm not a mother in the end, so what? That doesn't mean I'm nothing. God loves me just the way I am. He knows the number of hair on my head and He was the one who knit me inside my mom's womb.

Speaking of God, I've also had some thoughts. When things go wrong and God "doesn't seem to listen" even though we've given it our all, it may be because He wants us to surrender fully to Him instead of depending on our own power/ability/efforts.

In today's world where this motto is really loud: "You can do everything if you just do it and work hard for it", maybe God wants to tell me through infertility that: "You CAN achieve many things through ME, not through your own strengths or ability or efforts."

However, I'm not expecting God's miracle anymore in terms of infertility. It doesn't really matter anymore. He's created MANY more wonderful miracles on earth that I can enjoy and I can share with others these beauties through photos and videos.

I took some pics today while riding my bike from work to my place. It was -21'C and the sky was so lovely that I had to take pics with my mobile (thank GOD for technology!!!)

First pic: look at the ends of my hair! I had ridden my bike for around 10 minutes, though I had stopped a few times before I took this pic in order to take some sky pics.



Two pics of the lovely sky...

In Love

I'm IN LOVE with this little girl that often comes to the store where I work with her parents. The first time I ever saw her, she immediately said "hi" to me with a smile on her face. She's obviously just started learning to speak, 'coz she can only speak "hi" and "bye". Her smile is VERY cute 'coz her milk teeth are HUGE. Whenever I smile and look at her, she'd smile back at me.

Moreover, the parents seem to love the interaction between us, so they'd encourage her to say "bye" to me whenever they've finished shopping and whenever I wave my hand and smile at her while saying, "bye", she'd do the same thing. Such a cute angel! I always feel EXCITED whenever I see them in the store he he he...

For those of you who pray, please pray for my MIL. My FIL has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's a few years ago and his condition is going down rapidly. Please pray for comfort and strength to carry on. THANKS in advance for all your prayers!!!

In the meantime, let me share some winter pics from here...the other day hubby went for a pre-Xmas party with his boss and coworkers and I just LOVE technology sometimes 'coz it allowed me to send a pic along with my SMS he he he he...