Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Words of Affirmation

1. No matter how hard it is to deal with IF, at least I'm given a chance to embrace this "world of IF" with all its turmoil and mess so that in the end I may grow and grow and grow and become a more enlightened person.

2. No matter what I face at the end of my IF journey, I believe that God will never give me anything beyond my powers and if I ever feel like I'm too weak, He's only a shout away to help me. He, the Source of everything, will be able to sustain and support me even when I'm sucked away by the worst quicksand of self-pity, resentment, and jealousy.

3. My marriage (the relationship between me and my husband) is more important than this "baby quest", because if I ruin this marriage, it's the same as ruining what I want to have before a baby comes our way: a solid relationship and partnership between a husband and a wife.

4. It's okay to feel shitty and messy and unlovable at times, esp. when I feel so cynical and bitter as long as I don't allow myself to drown in those feelings for too long. It's NOT okay to deny any feelings at all 'coz it only makes it harder for me to pass through my mourning and healing process. In order to heal, I must acknowledge all the feelings inside me and be able to find out the sources of those feelings, let it all out, then give enough time to mourn. 

5. Just because I feel jealousy, resentment, cynicism, and bitterness doesn't mean that I've become all of those feelings. It's just a phase I need to go through and the bottom line is that I am going through all of those - with God's help. 

6. Being given the chance to fall to the darkest pit in my entire life is beneficial for me in the future 'coz it makes me understand aspects of life that I may never had understood had I not experienced IF. And for that, I'm THANKFUL for the opportunity to learn so many facets of feelings even if I don't necessarily enjoy feeling all of them.

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