Friday, June 29, 2012

IF Glasses

I wrote a blog post in my regular blog relating to infertility and a movie I find relatable for an infertile, but I'm too lazy to edit it to be more suitable here, but if you're interested in reading it (also 'coz I wanna know what you think about it), here's the link:

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

One of the Signs...

That shows how far I'm on my IF journey is screaming with joy, "THANK GOD!" when my period shows up. 

Just like what happened today.

Infertility is a weird thing. Maybe that's why people can't understand still that a couple could really wish for kids so much that it hurt like hell, but then again at one point they can stop hoping for a pregnancy so much that the above scenario happened. Anyway, I'm so glad my period finally came! :-D

Thursday, June 21, 2012

PMS Mode

Last night I watched "The Accidental Husband" (Uma Thurman, Jeffrey Dean Morgan) 'coz I was in the mood to watch a light, romantic comedy. The movie itself was what I had expected, but what really made me feel disappointed was the ending. Disappointment may not be the correct term, though. 

How to put it? Ummm...well, first of all if I have to explain it here, I have to give a SPOILER ALERT first, so if you're interested in watching the movie, stop reading NOW!!!

Btw, here's the imdb link to the movie: The Accidental Husband I can continue in peace...

As in many others romantic comedies, you can sort of guess the ending, but what really got me was the last minute of the movie, where it showed a bulging belly and the hubby and the wife shared a special look of fondness between them.

I was wondering what on earth made me want to say, "Oh for goodness sake!!!" when I saw it. 

I was like...what? Why did I feel like that?

It's not like I want to be pregnant anymore (in fact, I'm not so sure I want kids anymore - though I suspect a great degree of this feeling may be affected by self-defense mechanism, but the bottom line is that we're used to thinking of the future without kids for the past 1,5 years). So it wasn't because of envy or anything like that. 

I searched my soul and heart and mind and realized that what bothered me was the fact that the movie propagates that THE ultimate happy ending for a couple to have is when there's an additional family member coming in the form of a child/children. 

I was groaning inside after I saw the ending. Why couldn't they just leave it without the bulging belly? The last minute of the movie made me feel like what we have now is "less than"

I know this may be PMS mood talking, but to be honest I'm tired of people's "silent/not-so-silent" hope that we can still have kids in the future (that we still have time). 

How can you make them understand that it's not about having time still? That miracles do happen, but that doesn't necessarily mean you want it to happen to you anymore - not that specific miracle anyway (but you believe that you've been granted so many other types of miracles and that's more than enough)? Nor do you believe that that specific pregnancy miracle will happen to you anyway? 

That their hope of a surprise preggy does nothing to make you feel better (not that I need them to make me feel better anyway 'coz I do love and am enjoying my life to the fullest and I have learnt to live life without kids much better than expected and that they should rejoice with me because hell, it ain't easy to reach this stage)? In fact, that kind of hope doesn't really affect me in any other way other than make me feel that they just don't understand? Oh well...let me just stop ranting...On normal days, I know that I won't feel this way, but I just feel like ranting now he he he...