This Stage

I'm now at the stage where I'm not really sure anymore that I want kids - or if we are meant to be parents. Not sure if it's partly due to self-defense mechanism or not, but it's what it is. A close friend's sister is currently pregnant, but I didn't feel anything bad or painful when I heard about it. These days I can also look at pregnant bellies or small children without feeling stabs of longing.

Not sure how long this stage will last, but I'm enjoying it as much as I can. It feels BLISSFUL to be able to be in this stage.

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Soon it'll be three years since we first started to try to have kids (can't really say that we've been trying for the past year, though). Right now I can say that IF is like using a free kind of birth control without any side effects or operation and I can say this without any cynicism or sad feelings.

I just wanna be THANKFUL for God's peace of mind at this stage...to be honest, the other week I reread some of my old posts and I was surprised to read how dark they were (no wonder non-IFers can be really shocked while reading IFers thoughts or posts). At that time I never thought I could reach this stage, but I am here now, so I'm going to make the best out of it. :-D Glory to God!!!

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Quote of the Day

It is not so true that "prayer changes things" as that prayer changes me and I change things. God has so constituted things that prayer on the basis of Redemption alters the way in which a man looks at things. Prayer is not a question of altering things externally, but of working wonders in a man's disposition.

~ Oswald Chambers


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