Don't Ever Get Me Pregnant!

Those words came out of my lips not long ago. We had just gone back from our winter holiday in Tenerife. During the 6-hour flight back to Helsinki, a family with two young children (perhaps aged 5 and 2) were sitting right in front of our seats and the youngest child was crying and screaming and yelling (the crying and screaming stopped for a few minutes and then it started again and the cycle continued). 

I think she was tired and sleepy (it was an overnight flight), but no matter how much the mother tried to soothe her, she just couldn't seem to get comfy. She did fell asleep for about 45 minutes on her mother's lap (enough time to allow the mother to have dinner with one hand and read a little), but then she started whining, crying, and yelling again.

A few years ago I would never had dreamt that those words would ever come out of my lips he he...but lately after observing more and more about life on the other side of the fence, I've felt more strongly that I won't ever be patient enough to deal with temper tantrums like that and other things involved in parenting. I don't think I'll ever be totally childfree, but I think that I'm shifting towards an even more clearer point on my healing journey in which I'm very sure I do not want to have children.


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I feel thankful that we didn't have to travel with little children, even though I know there are children that won't give too much trouble during any travels, but that's the point of all this. We'll never know what kind of child we're going to have and we no longer feel that we even want to know - even if it can be very fulfilling to be parents. It's a strange feeling, but I'm gonna see where this takes me. :-D 

FYI, this is NOT a sudden shift, but it's been going on gradually, but the fact that I said those words to my husband felt like the final nail on the coffin so to speak. My husband is also on the same page with me on this matter.

That said, though, I know there will still be tender moments along my way, but I just want to record this point in time because I feel that it's an important shift. 

Almost forgot...my brother posted a photo of his youngest boy on FB, tagged me on it, and again he used the name that I said I had liked (that he had used as his middle name). I was so touched that my eyes went wet when I realized what he had done. :-) I know he must've done it on purpose. Bless him!