Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Thoughts on This and That

1. The other night I suddenly remembered something that I was planning to do if I could ever conceive. Thankfully, it doesn't make me feel any pain or grief. On the contrary, it makes me smile nostalgically.

You see, my mom used to tell us many times how some elder in her family told her to pray for her babies before they came to the world. Literally praying for them while pushing them out. My mom remembered the advice, so she did it while sending me and my brother off to the world. She prayed that God would smooth out our paths and she hoped for equal financial provision for the both of us (she didn't want one of us to be so rich whereas the other one so poor as to induce sibling rivalry and jealousy but she wanted us to have enough in life).

During TTC, I always remembered this story and I was bent on sending a prayer the way she did, though I hadn't exactly planned the content of the prayer itself, but at least I had kept a mental note to remember to do this while pushing my baby out.

Ah, plans, plans, plans! :-) There's only so much that we can control in life.

2. I was talking to my close friends in a group email about infertility (after a long absence of that topic) and its impact. I told them how in the past, I used to be very angry when I thought of all those children in abusive families or when I saw a pregnant woman smoking because I felt that they didn't deserve to be mothers. I added that these days I don't feel that way anymore. 

One of them, being raised in a Christian family that stressed heavily on the weight of sin and the unworthiness of mankind to receive His grace and salvation, wrote that she never felt deserved to be a mother (even though she's a mother now).

That comment made me think. I wrote back, saying that I actually never felt sure that I was definitely going to be a good mother, because I had no idea what kind of child I could be dealing with. What I felt deserving at that angry period was a chance

It's nice to talk to people and realize more things about yourself. :-) 

P.S. My parents sent us to Christian schools, but they found God much later in life, so they never really tried to drill religious related stuff into our heads. My brother and I found God when we were teenagers.

3. Mother's Day is coming here and I'm feeling psyched. I've prepared a post for this community and I've done a test run on it in an online forum. Thankful for all the feedback from the ladies there because I'm also considering sharing it in FB (just that post, not my blog link). I've also prepared some gifts for my MIL and we're going to spend a day with her as usual. I wonder how it'd feel like on Mother's Day when/if my MIL passes away earlier than I do. Oh well...we shall see how it goes...

I'm also psyched for our upcoming car trip because I'm going to have my first week of summer holiday sometime this month and thankfully hubby can also take a few days off and he wants to go for a car trip (day trip), so it's EXCITING because it's rare for him to want to do something like this.

I don't drive, you see, so I can't initiate something like this. Sure we can go by bus, but it's expensive and there aren't any trains running all the way up here (a round-trip bus ticket to Rovaniemi, a city about 1.5 hours away from this village, costs €50/person and this time we're going even further south). So this year Mother's Day preparation is "swallowed up" by other stuff (in a good way) he he he he he...:-D


  1. I love reading about all these triumphs in dealing with childlessness by circumstance. It helps me feel less angry and alone, and I know that all our small triumphs help all of us to grow. sending you happy hugs :)

    1. Yes, I think it's CRUCIAL for us to celebrate these triumphs because we've already lost so many triumphant moments because we have no children. And you're wise to say that all our triumphs help us to grow. :-) Happy hugs back at youuuu!!! THANK YOU for your support and encouragement! :-D


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