Note: I googled up "baby face generator" and found out that there were many more baby face generators these days and when I clicked on MorphThing, I couldn't help laughing because some people had combined crazy photos: for example Gollum with Marilyn Manson or Chewbacca with Christina Aguilera LOL LOL LOL!!!
OK, back to my point. Was talking to some ladies in an online forum and the thread made me realize something even more clearly. I just love these clarifying moments! :-D
You see, without actively searching for answers, I had always wondered why I didn't really feel any roller-coaster emotions when I saw my brother's baby photos or heard their stories or even when I came for a visit. On the contrary, when a close friend had her baby (the first biracial baby in my group of close friends), it was hard for me especially in the beginning. I knew that my friend's baby was/is more of a reminder of what we don't have, but my brain didn't really link this fact with my brother's kids. When I see my brother's kids, I don't see genetic reminders of what we've lost (which is probably good considering the fact that I don't have to battle any roller-coaster emotions whenever we meet).
To me, it's so hard to imagine our possible children's faces. Only God knows what they could have looked like: more Asian? More Finnish? 50-50? Or if we could have had more than one child, maybe one could be more Asian and the other more Finnish (I've seen many different combinations of Asian kids with foreign spouses)? Both may look more Asian or both may look more Finnish? Or maybe both may look 50-50 with different genetic contributions from each of us?
I remember one friend who had a hysterectomy (since the dating period she and the husband-to-be were already thinking of adopting children - yes, they want many children) tried that baby face generator and shared the result (I forgot whether it was in FB or her blog). There's just something primal about the wish to see one's own flesh-and-blood and your genetic resemblance with them, I suppose.
Case in point: another friend was upset when people kept saying that her firstborn looked exactly like daddy, making her feel that nobody could see her contribution. She was happy whenever some rare individuals said that they could see the resemblance between the baby and her.
Another case in point: a cousin has a foreign wife and they've just had their second baby boy. The wife put up her husband's baby photo side-by-side with the second baby's photo in FB and wrote, "Maybe our next baby will look like me."
But don't worry, talking about this doesn't hurt (maybe it helps that I'm not having PMS). :-)
glitter-graphics.com
Anyway, I'm counting down until our holiday in Indo. My husband has already been using an app on his mobile phone that can do a countdown to our holiday he he he he he...Work has been rather busy because many coworkers are still on their holiday and one has just started her maternity leave.
P.S. Have you ever tried this generator during TTC?
I've never done one of these baby face generators. I tortured myself enough wondering how it would feel to have a baby. I'm glad I didn't torture myself with having a face to remember (so to speak) when the babies never arrived. And I would never do it now, because I've moved past that anyway, and it would just pull me back into the "land of what-ifs" that I am happy to have left behind. Besides, there's never really been enough family resemblance in any of my nieces and nephews (some of them are mixed race, some just look a lot like their fathers, some don't share any resemblance) for it to worry me.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, after doing the post I tried on another baby face generator just for fun (did a daughter and a son). To my delight, it didn't bring back any "what if" moment. :-) Understand what you mean about torturing yourself and not wanting to torture yourself like that anymore. My brother's sons do resemble him in some ways and I can see some of their mom's attributes, too. And the older my brother and I get, the more people can see our resemblance with each other, as well. And I think the older I get, the more I resemble my mom (in the past I always thought I looked more like my dad whereas my brother looked more like my mom).
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