Sunday, January 18, 2015

Grief Connections

A dear friend of mine has just lost her husband on NY eve. It came as a shock, even though I knew he had been sick for a few years.

The other day I had a long text chat with her and it was uncanny how many similarities there were between her grief and my worst infertility grief. When I shared with her what happened during my worst moments (I had never shared these with her before), she said that now she understood what it felt like as she had felt it, too. And when I shared with her the other feelings I felt (anger, self-pity, jealousy, bitterness, guilt, etc.), she began to open up about those feelings, too. She said that she wouldn't wish this experience on her worst enemy and I told her that was exactly what I felt at one point in time.  

Grief connections. If I hadn't experienced infertility, I wouldn't have understood this kind of experience and if she hadn't experienced this loss, she wouldn't have understood what I felt. Granted, the both of us wouldn't have wished to have this kind of connection in the first place, but I'm thankful for this grief connection. This is one of those moments when I believe with my whole being that my pain isn't for nothing and I dare say that my pain is worth it.

Rest in peace, dear friend...


9 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry that your friend has lost her husband. I found that my experience of grief and pain helped me help my mother when my father died, and my friend when her marriage failed. Our pain isn't for nothing. I 100% agree.

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    1. Thank you, Mali. And thanks for sharing the grief connections you've had with other people.

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  2. I am so sorry for the loss.
    It is an amazing lesson the travel of grief, as sorry as I am that you too have felt such deep pain, it has been a gift to your friend that you were able to reach out to her in such an empathetic way.
    sending extra hugs to you as well

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    1. Yes, the journey is full-chock of lessons indeed. Thank you for your hugs and empathy.

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  3. While it does nothing to lessen the pain, finding the silver lining in pain can be very helpful. I'm glad you have each other in these times of grief xoxo

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    1. Oh yeah, you're right about the pain and the silver lining. Thank you.

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  4. I am sorry for the loss of your friend's husband. Grief can take very different forms & circumstances, but underneath it all, it's still grief. I find I have much more empathy & understanding now for people who have been through all kinds of traumatic experiences.

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    1. Thank you, Loribeth. Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm going to stay open and see how future grief connections are made starting now. I think this is the first time I had this kind of grief connection outside of the ALI sphere (after infertility, that is).

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