Anyway, there are several SUPER TOUGH lessons that I'd like to record here in this blog that infertility has been teaching me:
1. To focus on someone else's happiness when you feel like you're transported to a place of pain: in front of rows and rows of your buried dreams.
I think in the beginning of my IF journey, it was practically impossible to do so 'coz my wounds were still bleeding profusely and the pain was too much to bear sometimes. Nowadays it's "easier" to do it, though that doesn't mean I'm not affected at all. I find that I'm most affected during PMS as well as when I feel that there've been too many reminders of this broken dream around me - that's high time for me to step back and take good care of myself.
2. To channel and work on the grief somewhere else (esp. if the person involved is important and you don't want to rain on their parade). I found that this is more difficult than #1, especially if you're in regular contact with that said person and because the said person is important to you, it's tough not to share your vulnerable moments with them, but then again you don't want them to feel bad about you that they stop sharing their good moments with you.
3. To know when to shut up, to refrain myself from saying something unnecessary that is potentially hurtful, to choose my words more carefully to the best of my ability whenever people open up to me about their pains and struggles. I want to master the art of comfort in, dump out.
I find that at times when I feel uncomfortable when I'm facing someone else's pain or struggles that I find hard to relate to, it's easy to say all the wrong things simply because I feel helpless.
4. To let go if despite my best efforts I end up hurting someone anyway. Sincerely say sorry, let go, and start all over again.
I'm so glad I finally found your post! How wonderful to be real. I loved this article and that you focus on others and on letting go. I think grief is an ever-changing process. It's encouraging to see how others manage the journey. Thanks for sharing your heart.
ReplyDeleteHi, Kimberly! It was tough to focus on others when I was still bleeding inside (during my worst moments in my infertility journey). I used to consider infertility as an enemy I had to defeat (in my anger/wrath I refused to let it win LOL!!!), but nowadays I'm able to view it as a guru and I find it easier to handle this way - though I still allow myself a leeway every now and then he he.... :-)
DeleteIt's a loooooonnggg and winding road indeed and I like how you consider grief as an ever-changing process. When I really think about it, it's true...it's not the same, probably because there are different situations and pain triggers and different moods. :-) I'm glad you enjoyed my post. :-)