I forgot to mention here that a few
months ago I finally got rid of the English pregnancy and parenting
books I bought second-hand from online shops years ago when we first
started TTC. I'd started reading one of them during TTC, but the other
three were parenting books, so I hadn't really started reading them yet
and they'd been gathering dust in my book shelf, so off they went to
this "exchange book corner" in our local library. Btw, I felt nothing when I left the books there.
In
the past there was no such a thing, but these days they've put this
"exchange book corner" in which people can grab any book(s) they want
with the hope that they'll trade them with other book(s) that they own.
The empty space has been put to good use as I've been piling up new
books that I haven't read yet (chuckle). I'm a bad reader. I tend to
switch from one book to another and who knows when I'll finish reading
them all LOL!!! Some of them are unread, though. I LOVE collecting books
even though that means I may not read them yet LOL!!!
I'm
still PMSing and still feeling a bit conflicted inside every now and
then (esp. when I read news about my friend's morning sickness issues
and the other mommy friends got to share their own morning sickness
experiences - felt like being left out when a group of friends were playing together). Just now I received an email with the title "27 weeks" and
I felt a jolt inside. I thought, "Another pregnant woman?" Turned out
that no, it wasn't the case. It was a false alarm. Phew!
Yep.
The green eyed-monster of jealousy has arisen, though thankfully it's
not blinding me. It's just a tiny little monster, but I know it's out
there. One thing I tried to do the other day is to turn each jealous
thought into a ball and then I (the superhero in my imagination) got to
kick the ball into outer space, where it was swallowed by this giant
black hole (I had to do this whenever the ball came out to play). Is this helping? I think so. :-)
Another thing that helped was exercising and doing punching and kicking movements with all my might (release all the negative energy, Amel!!!)...and feeling the lovely endorphins afterwards. :-) And yes, I looked like this fellow below when I was doing the exercise:
Let's just see how well I fare in this friend's pregnancy journey (and maybe in the future other close friends' pregnancies) where I get to read a lot of details and where I get to see lots of pics. I'll take it one day at a time. May God help me!!!
P.S. I know I'll feel better when my PMS is over. :-) In the meantime, though, I'll continue the imaginary battle and exercise regime.
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Mother's Day went pretty well - felt a bit bummed due to deluge of Mother's Day's cards and photos in Facebook, but nevertheless nothing worse happened. Had some pregnancy and birth announcements, but at the most it only made me feel like the youngest kid left out from a game. During childhood in the playground where the youngest kid wasn't given permission to play with the older ones ('coz the youngest one didn't understand the rules and all that and the older ones didn't want to bother playing with the youngest one). That's the closest to what I felt.
Spent Mother's Day's eve with MIL (no kids involved) and had a great time. Hubby and I both cooperated in providing the food for MIL so she didn't have to cook. Bought a gift and some flowers, too, which she welcomed with all her heart. :-D
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Anyhow, we had a relaxing and lovely trip to Vienna and the highlight of the trip was the conversation we had with a mutual friend. This woman came to Sodankylä a few years ago and then went back to her home country. Back then we used to hang out every now and then and chat about anything. When she lived here, I was in the throes of TTC, so I shared with her our hopes and dreams.
So naturally after not having met for years, she asked us about baby program. She also told us that she had just started talking about having kids with her boyfriend. So I shared with her what we had experienced until we ended up with our decision to surrender to a life without kids.
She asked about adoption and I explained to her our decision. I didn't take it the wrong way 'coz I know she cared. Actually, sharing what I know about adoption and the maximum age difference between the parents and the adopted child made her think. She's now at my age when we started TTC, so she wants to learn more about her options IF for some reason the natural way doesn't work (though I hope it'll work well for her).
What really touched me and made me happy was the fact that she asked R2 about his job and life and R2 said, "I'm happy." It's one thing to hear from your spouse that he's happy, but it's a different thing to hear him say to someone else that he's happy in life. The unsaid words are "even without kids". :-D So I'm THANKFUL for this memory.
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